Recently, our pastor did a series on Marriage. There were a lot of things that I feel I am able to take from these lessons and apply into my marriage. I shared my thoughts with my husband and I am making a conscious effort to be the best wife that I can be and to have the marriage that I know God wants me to have.
The Marriage Puzzle–Staying Best Friends
In my marriage, I can honestly say that my husband is truly my best friend. He is the person that I feel that I can always go to for anything and I know that I can count on him and trust him. God gave Adam a wife, Eve, in Genesis and I feel that these three statements our pastor shared with us at church on Sunday are true.
1. Husband and wife were created for each other.
In Genesis 2: 18 you can read, “And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” (NKJV). We are humans and we get lonely. I think about when my husband and I were dating and engaged. We could not see each other every day, even though we tried, and when we were apart I missed him so much. Genesis 2:18 is just confirmation to me that God knew what he was doing. He knew that we are a group of people that get lonely and we crave companionship and company and he knew that my husband was created for me and I for him.
2. Husband and wife were created differently
In Genesis 2:23-34 you can read, “And Adam said:“This is now bone of my bone; And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh,” (NKJV). I feel that this plays back into point number 1, that husband and wife were created for each other. God knew what he was doing when he placed my husband and I in one another’s lives and he knew how to create us. If my husband were exactly like me, I would probably go crazy. I like to say that my husband is too laid back but in reality, his laid backness is just what I need as I am high strung. My husband is quieter while I love to talk. It is nothing for me to just talk for an hour at a time (poor guy actually sits through it too!). In Genesis 2:23-25 we see the famous reference that a man will leave his family and be joined with his wife and you also see that Eve, woman, was created from Adam’s bone. Husband and wife were created equally and God created us for one another. It is important to remember that I need my husband, no matter how independent I am, and he needs me. We need our friendship and God in our marriage to be successful.
3. Husband and wife were given to each other.
God gave husband and wife to one another. God knew that we would be lonely and that we needed companionship. When you keep in mind that marriage is a gift from God just like so many other parts of our lives and you keep your friendship together and keep God in your marriage than a successful and godly marriage is not out of the question.
4. God needs to be in your marriage.
Ecclesiastes 4:12 backs up that God needs to be in our marriage, “Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken,” (NKJV). In Matthew 6:33, we are told “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you,” (NKJV). To me this means that if my husband and I have God in our marriage than we will be more successful in our marriage and our marriage will be strong.
What are Attributes of a Good Friend
1. Loves Unconditionally
A. Proverbs 17:17 “A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity.”
2. Enjoyable to be around
A. Do not be selfish, judgmental, angry, or dishonest to your spouse. When you are, you aren’t much fun to be around.
3. Always be loyal
A. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 “Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up,” (NKJV)
5. Gives more than they take
A. Proverbs 18:1 “Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up,” (NKJV).
6. Invests in the Relationship
A. Follow God together. This can be done through prayer or bible study together.
B. Spend time with one another. One thing my husband and I do is we make sure that at least once a month we go on a date. Even if all we do is go out to eat and go bowling or play a round of mini-golf, we take one day a month and make it our day for one another.
C. Have each other’s back. To me, one of the worst things that my husband could do is not be on my side and not defend me. I expect him to be there for me through anything and I will be there for him through anything.
D. Communicate. I know that there are people who have schedule’s that are a lot more difficult than mine and my husband’s but there are weeks where I feel like we only see each other when getting home at night. Even on those nights, we always stop and spend at least 20 minutes catching up on our days.
E. Be completely honest with one another and express how you feel about things.
F. Affirm one another. Proverbs 12:25 “Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression,
But a good word makes it glad,” (NKJV). Think about it, when someone says something negative to you, how long does it take for you to forget it? Saying one negative thing to your spouse can cause hurt feelings for quite a while. Try to avoid the negative and only say the positive to your spouse. If you have something negative in mind, go cool down and then come back and talk.
G. Accept your spouse for whom they are. When you create unrealistic expectations for your spouse or you compare your spouse to other people, you are setting yourself up to harm your spouse and your marriage.
H. Take the “I” out of marriage. There is no “I” in marriage. Read back to Genesis 2:18. Husband and Wife become one flesh. Marriage is a partnership, it is not something that can succeed with only one person.
I. Understand one another and one another’s needs. With my husband, I am much more talkative than he is. It took some time, but I have come to realize and understand that when my husband gets home, he wants to be alone and for it to be quiet for about 30 minutes. After that, I can talk as much as I possibly want. He too has come to understand that I have to talk, I have to tell him all about my day. We both had to give and take, but we understood what one another needed and we did what we needed to do to fulfill those needs.
J. Have fun! One thing I love about our relationship is that we still love doing things like playing Scrabble, going bowling, mini-golfing, or having a Nerf gun war. There is no reason marriage can’t be fun and I feel that you truly need to have fun if you want to have a successful marriage. You need to let go and relax every once and a while.
For a video of the full sermon, which I took notes from, click here.