What to Tell and When- Struggling with Infertility

I have seen several of posts on various apps lately for infertility on women asking for opinions on when they should tell family and friends they are having trouble conceiving. While reading this post, keep in mind that every woman is different and what was the best decision for my husband and myself may or may not be the best decision for you. Talk to your spouse to ensure that you are on the same page with what you are comfortable with.

My husband and I began trying to conceive in January of 2015. It wasn’t until August of 2015 that we told anyone we were trying. I told my mom because we had learned that we were not ovulating. For those unfamiliar with what that means, ovulation is the process of the body releasing an egg to be fertilized. If your body does not do this process, then you will not wind up pregnant. With the holiday’s creeping up on us, we were asked the question by many when we were going to have a baby or what we were waiting on. Our response at that time was that it would happen when it would happen. By February of 2016, I had some tests done that verified I still was not ovulating but we were also still getting the question of when we would have a baby. In April, it was decided that I would have surgery to see if we could both find another cause of my problems other than PCOS or if we could at least remedy some of my problems. It was at this point that we decided to tell our families the extent of our troubles.

We made that decision for many reasons. One, I was having surgery, that is typically going to raise a few questions. Two, we wanted to stop the question of when we would be having a baby. That is a question that was beginning to hurt. We were trying with everything in us to have a baby and my body was betraying us. We were met with a lot of support and a lot of questions. The way we went about it is we had already decided what we wanted to share and tried to figure out the best way to explain our situation to our families. In August,  my husband and I were able to get pregnant, but we lost our baby to a miscarriage. I was very thankful that we had told our families the trouble we were having because that way, they already knew the details and we were able to get prayers.

We still are keeping our families in the loop when we have new doctors appointments and I stand by this decision. I know that there are many women who are stuck on the fact that trying to conceive is a personal decision and it’s no ones business. Yes, those women are right, and I felt that way at first too, but here is the reality: Most of the time, your family cares and they just want to know what they can do to help you. By being honest and transparent with our problems, we weren’t asked questions by family members as to when we would have children. Everyone knows our situation now and they know that if we want to talk about it or if we have anything new to report, we will initiate that conversation. Another thing that came from us telling  our families is that we have been able to get advice from family members who have gone through the same situation and/ or similar situations. Below is my list of pros and cons as to telling family. Again, it is your decision to make and it is one that you and your spouse need to discuss and be on the same page but in my opinion and in my situation, the pros weighed the cons.

pros-and-cons-of-telling-about-infertility

 

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